Avoiding Conflict, To Say Something Or Bite Your Tongue?

I know this has happened to you because it happens to me almost everyday, and that is having encounters with people (possibly coworkers or customers) who are stating their opinion or belief about something and you do not agree with at all.  In fact, sometimes we think to ourselves “They must be crazy to think this…come on”.

But the reality is that there are few people who think exactly the same way that you do, and maybe none.  So how do you handle these types of encounters without creating a conflict or worse yet an argument?

Remember no matter how wild, crazy or nuts-o you may think this person’s opinion is, it is their opinion and they should be respected for it.  Don’t you want to be respected for what you think and feel?

It always amazes me when I hear someone express their thoughts about something and the person that they are talking to, totally goes off on them just because they differ with their point of view.  What is that all about?  Don’t we all have freedom of speech?

Now I have to say that sometimes it is very hard to bite my tongue when someone says something against an important issue that I hold close to my heart, but bite it  I do, because 99.9% of the time it is not worth the challenge.

So what can you do?  How can you keep the boxing gloves off?  Well, you can agree to disagree, but in a way that they (the person who you do not agree with) doesn’t even know that you disagree.  Here are five things that you can do and say that will allow you to keep your cool and not upset the other person either.

1. Nod your head when they are speaking and lean into to them just a little and when they finish, say “wow I never thought of that before or I never saw it that way before”.  By shaking your head up and down, they think either your are in agreement with them or you think what they said is worthy of your positive thoughts.

2. Act a bit surprised and step back, nod your head saying “ I can see how you see that”.  The point being “them” you can see how they see it that way.

3. In a group setting and someone is talking you can just nod your head up and down and say “very interesting” or just “interesting”.  In the group setting it is much easier to do this.

4. A well placed thumb and forefinger on the chin and a slight nod stating “amazing, I will give that some thought, thanks for your input, opinion or idea”.  They are happy and you can either consider it, or not, but walk away in peace.

5. A delighted reaction (maybe hands up or a clap) stating “It is just so interesting that there are probably as many opinions on that topic as there are people.”  Then a little laugh and on to something else.

I think you probably get the point I am trying to get across, which is we do not have to agree at all, we can just disagree in an agreeable fashion most of the time.  No use getting into a battle when it can be avoided.

I have seen these techniques done and have done them myself time and again and it works beautifully.  We can let people speak their mind and not mind it at all, it is simple a process of mind over matter.  And the fact that most of the time, it is not worth the time to get into an argument.

Any other ideas on how to handle this type of situation?

The link below is to the blog Switched On, which had a post yesterday about how to avoid conflict, I felt it went right along with this post, so take a look.

The Secret to Avoiding Conflict

Bringing Your Passion To Work

Remember that saying “If you love what you do you will never work another day in your life”?  That is true, but how many people really are able to do what they love everyday and make a decent living at it?  Probably very few out the entire world population.

It sounds great and I know for myself that I would love to pursue more what my true passion is,  but that just is not realistic if I want to keep a roof over my head, I need to keep my day job.  Now don’t get depressed because there is a way that you can make your everyday job one that you do love, and enjoy and can cultivate passion for it at the same time.  It that really possible?  Yes, by finding the simple daily habits to ignite your passion while doing what you need to do to earn your paycheck.

Let me give you an example of what I am talking about, now this example may be a little extreme, but it gets the point across.  In the town where I live there is a physician who loves to sing, he is part of the city theatrical players, but opera is his passion.  So many times during his visits with his patients he will break out in a song in the treatment room or as he is walking down the hallway.

He is known as the singing doctor, singing is his passion along with being a physician, but I bet if he was offered a full-time well-paid job doing theater and singing over patient care he might change careers. But the point I am trying to make is that he has found a way to bring his true passion into his day job, which he also really likes.

What is it that you can do to bring more passion into your day job to make you happier, which in turn will make you more successful each day you are doing what you do?  The link below is to a good article that talks about how you can find the simple daily habits that will ignite your passion and bring more happiness to your life.  When you find one of these ideas that lights a spark, take it on and try it and see what it does for you.

Simple daily habits to ignite your passion

Mastering Your Distractions

  I don’t think that I am much different from most people when it comes to wanting to achieve my dreams.  We all have desires and dreams that we are longing to achieve and many of us are chipping away at them each day, bit by bit.

The older I get the more I wonder if I will reach some of the goals I have set for my self on my 10 and 20 year plan.  It seems like the years are moving by much quicker than I expected and I am not exactly where I would like to be at this point in time.  Too many things have gotten in my way and I get distracted way too often.  I could get discouraged and depressed, but what good would that do? I certainly wouldn’t have a chance at achieving my goals then, would I ?

I recently was on a Southwest flight and in their Spirit Magazine they had a short advertisement titled “Docent of Distraction”  It caught my eye as “distraction” seems to be the enemy that I am fighting with most of the time.  The ad was about a new book written by Peter Bregman a Harvard Business Review Columnist.  The title of the book is “18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done”.

As you may have guessed it is about productivity.  The book covers such topics as learning to limit your options, know that you can’t do everything, how to construct a calendar, and creating interruptions in your day.  This book has a little bit of everything you may need in order to get and keep yourself on the right path of productivity and move closer to those goals you would like to achieve.

There has been much controversy when it comes to “time management” and the “to do list”, but Peter has a bit of a twist for his list and it just might work for many of us who struggle with finding our focus throughout our day.  So far I give this book an A+, take a look at the other reviews and decide for yourself if this little pearl might have something that will inspire you to keep headed in the direction you wish to achieve.  Happy reading and enjoy the journey!

http://www.amazon.com/18-Minutes-Master-Distraction-Things/dp/0446583413

But Your Application Said…

I had the opportunity to speak to a young manager (in his 30’s) this week regarding some issues he was facing with hiring a new assistant manager for their cell phone company branch store. 

Although he was very involved in the interviewing process the upper management did have the final say in which candidate would be hired.

When he called me he told me that he had a total of four candidates, 3 of which were already working with the company.  Two were in other stores and one in his and one outside candidate.  The dilemma for him was that the candidate that seemed most suited for the position was the outside one and he needed to figure out how to tell the employees that had been working for the company for some time that they did not get the position. 

The candidate he was most concerned with was the one that worked with him.  This person had been with the company for several years and thought that they would get this job.  He was trying for figure out how to tell him he did not and still keep him as an “happy” employee.

We talked about the reasons that this person did not get the position and the best way to “word” this discussion letting the candidate know what he needed to do in the future to obtain this position and how to let him know the other candidate was more qualified.

He felt pretty good after our conversation, but still was not looking forward to letting his co-worker know that he did not get the position.  I asked that he keep me posted as to how things went down.

The next day he called and I asked how it went and he said that he did not have the conversation yet.  The chosen candidate was informed by the corporate office that she had been picked and that her being hired was contingent on her background and drug check.

He said that he was going to have the talk with his employee and he got a call from the chosen candidate. When he talked to her she said that since she now had been offered the job contingent on her back ground check she needed to let him know of some changes on her application.  She proceeded to tell him that she no longer was employed where she listed on her application and that she also just got another job that she was currently working. 

When he asked her why she didn’t tell them about these changes at the interview she simply stated that she didn’t feel that is was necessary unless she was offered a job.  She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal that she did not tell them at the interview of the changes, even when the interviewers asked her questions about her current job and she alluded to the fact that she was still employed at the place on her application, which she was not.

He thanked her for the information and proceeded to call corporate offices to talk to his supervisors.  When he told them what this candidate had done and that he was very concerned that he had been untruthful with them and now he had reservations about hiring her, his supervisor just told him that she was still the best candidate and that they were going to proceed with hiring her.

This manager was very upset because he thought if this person was willing to lie in an interview, then why would they think she would be honest once they hired her?  He could not believe that his company would just overlook this, error of unethical behavior.

He asked what I thought he should do because he didn’t want to get on the bad side of his supervisors, but he also wanted to let them know that he felt that hiring someone who was not honest from the beginning was not a good idea.

My advice was for him to think about the situation for a day or two and then write down exactly what he felt was wrong and why.  Then send the letter to his supervisor asking for a time that they could possibly discuss what the companies views were and why and also his own.

Although I sided with this young manager, I knew that he probably would not win in this situation and hopefully if they hire this woman, that he will be proved right in the end or very possibly that she just made a foolish mistake and that she really is a great person and will make a wonderful assistant to him.

What advice would you have given?

Business Is Great!

Below is a great story that I posted quite some time ago, but think it is worth reposting.  Hopefully will inspire you to think of some way that you can have a more positive attitude at work Monday  and learn to see the good side of things.  Enjoy your Sunday!

The Gardener’s Badge Story

A landscape gardener ran a business that had been in the family for two or three generations. The staff was happy, and customers loved to visit the store, or to have the staff work on their gardens or make deliveries – anything from bedding plants to ride-on mowers.

For as long as anyone could remember, the current owner and previous generations of owners were extremely positive happy people.

Having Fun At Work is Healthy

Here is a fun practice/office management tip that will increase employees spirits and productivity.

There have been many studies done to prove that humor is very good for our physical well-being. One study was done with cancer patients and the effects that watching funny movies had on them while getting chemotherapy. Even though they were very ill and many in pain their overall affect was cheerier than those who didn’t watch the films.

According to another study by Dr. Lee Berk of Loma Linda School of Public Heath, in California, shows that laughing effects the immune system making it grow stronger with increased activity of T-cells, natural killer cells and antibodies.  Research has also shown that laughing reduces stress, high blood pressure, and oxygenates our blood, which increases energy and relaxes our muscles.

With all that said and the decline of Americans being satisfied with their job, wouldn’t you think that more employers would be looking for ways to “lighten up” the workplace?

Many employers are still of the mindset that if their employees are laughing and enjoying themselves at work then the work must not be getting done.  When, in fact, people work better when they are interacting and enjoying a light humor at work.

If you have any question about this fact, research the management practices of Google, Evernote and Best Buy (just among the few) that are of the belief that humor, enjoyment and just plain fun make employees happier and businesses more profitable.

In the article linked below, Dr. David Abramis at Cal State Long Beach has studied fun at work for years. He’s discovered that people who have fun on the job are more creative, more productive, better decision-makers, and get along better with co-workers. They also have fewer absentee, late, and sick days than people who aren’t having fun.

There are many benefits to bringing humor to the workplace, take the challenge and see what good spirits you can raise at work today. Oh, and please share them with me because I am always looking for new things to bring levity to our workplace.

Additional reading below

Fun and Humor in the Workplace

Procrastination Can Ruin Your Career

I am sure you remember that old saying “don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today”?  For some people putting things off until tomorrow, the next day or the next is just a way of life, personally and professionally.

Procrastination is one of the most crippling diseases of productivity and it can ruin your career.  Many people do not even know why they procrastinate or will even recognize that they do it, even when co-workers or their boss bring it up to them.

Usually, they have plenty of excuses as to why they have not completed their assignments, or goals and what is amazing is they are the only one who really believe it.

Coming to grips with the fact that you do procrastinate is the first step to being able to seek help to stop it.  Being a procrastinator can eventually cause you to lose your job, unless you are the business owner. If that is the case then it is probably a good guess that your business is not running efficiently or becoming as successful as it could if you did not procrastinate.

Either way if you are an employee or a business owner you need help in breaking the procrastination habit before it breaks you and leads you down the path of a totally dysfunctional life at home and in the workforce.

The link below is to a great tool for those who procrastinate by “Mind Tools” that can help you get started in improving your life and start on a path of doing today what needs to be done.  The outline of the booklet is an easy one to understand and begin your journey to becoming an non-procrastinator.

Best wishes for your success in taking baby steps to overcome procrastination, your life will be much different and the people you work with will be much happier and more productive because you are.

http://www.housing.sc.edu/ace/pdf/ASR/procrastinationworkbook.pdf